Much like light, which has characteristics of both a wave and a particle, The Juggernaut
, aka running back "Reagan Mauia", possesses dual paradoxical properties -- that of an irresistible (unstoppable) force, and an immovable object. Indeed, The Juggernaut can be regarded as the "light" of his new team, the Miami Dolphins -- an idea some people may fail to see. Yet much like the ultra-violet range of the electromagnetic spectrum, it's not visible, but it is indeed there. And it will burn you. Just ask any unsuspecting defender. On a similar note, for many defenders, The Juggernaut is also in the ultra-violent
range of the kick-ass
spectrum. But back to the original point:Hypothesis
Logic dictates that an immovable object and an irresistible force cannot exist in the same universe. The Juggernaut Quantum Duality Theory
posits that not only can both exist in the same universe, but they can be embodied in the same football player
. As impossible as this sounds, this embodiment of opposites within The Juggernaut is, ironically, the main reason both can
exist in the same universe. For you see, since The Juggernaut can never meet himself, one property can never give into the other, and therefore the theory can, conveniently, never be disproven. Unless Reagan runs into a mirror. But in that case, it would be more about the mirror than Reagan himself. The mirror would be a goner, by the way.Formulae
To comprehend how The Juggernaut can be both an irresistible force and an immovable object, one must look at the math. Quantum theory is explained through many mathematical equations, but is based mainly on Planck's constant:
I don't understand it either. The Juggernaut Quantum Duality Theory's Irresistible Force Axiom
uses a much simpler math equation:J
+ football = 7
= The Juggernaut
An exception to this equation occurs when the kicker misses the PAT. But on the whole, this equation is based upon a solid mathematical foundation.
The Juggernaut Quantum Duality Theory's Immovable Object Axiom
uses a similar equation:J
= Blitzing Linebacker and
= Dead Linebacker.
As you can see, neither of these axioms are mutually exclusive, yet taken together they demonstrate that both forces are indeed embodied in the same football player, however ridiculous and fantastical that may seem.
The preceding formulae explain the properties of The Juggernaut
, yet much research still needs to be done. The only way this theory can be proven or (doubtfully) disproven is out in the field.
And luckily, Dolphins Stadium appears to be the ideal field for this purpose. It is unfortunate that linebackers and defensive backs will be maimed in the process, but for the sake of science and the furtherance of mankind, it is undoubtedly necessary. It is my prediction that The Juggernaut shall demonstrate these axioms fully, and will in turn, turn the Juggernaut Quantum Duality Theory into Law
, starting in the fall of 2007 and beyond.