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Saturday, September 30, 2006

Escape from the Billy Goats

Those celestial billy goats are a crafty bunch. I was minding my own business yesterday morning, practicing my ninja moves in my magnificent kurogo-wear, when all of a sudden I found myself surrounded by a band of ancient billy ghosts -- dead billy goats with unfinished earthly business. Unfortunately, I had left my smoke bombs in my blue jeans, so I couldn't fake them out with my ninja smoke. They surrounded me and said I was disturbing their ancestral chewing grounds. I said this was my back yard. They said silence! Catching me off guard once again, they spirited me away to their land of bearded wonders.

Again, we feasted upon the finest scraps of paper. We also partook in some goat wine, made from fermented juices they find at the bottom of cans. It's very good if you don't know what it's made of. And I didn't, until afterwards. The wine loosened the normally stoic goats up, and they started talking and joking amongst themselves. It turns out that my "kid"nappers were not billy ghosts. They were regular old celestial billy goats who dressed up in the garb of the obake. Or in this case, the goat-bake. That normally would've made me mad, but by that time, I was happily drunk off the goat wine.

I've come to realize that the goats are smarter than I initially gave them credit for. I was unable to use indigestion as an excuse to make my getaway, as they were now wise to my scheme from the last time. The bastards made me whiz where I was standing too. Earlier this morning, I finally made my escape, but only because celestial billy goats don't handle hangovers very well.

I don't know why they like my company so much. I'm usually pretty quiet around them. It's not just those horns and those evil yellow eyes frightening me. And it's not just their penchant for "kid"napping me. And it's not just the smell of three dozen goats gathered around a fire suffocating me. It's probably more to do with not sharing any of the same interests. Oh well, so what if I don't like Grey's Anatomy.

Anyway, now I need to catch up on all the news stories I missed when I was gone. I shall quote them in subsequent posts, leading up to tonight's game vs Eastern Illinois! GO WARRIORS!!!


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